CHILDHOOD BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS
Are your children driving you bonkers?? Do you wonder if they lay awake at night thinking of ways to frustrate you? Do you think they wait until you have your hands full and you are busy to interrupt with a strange question? Well, I have often said that “Their job is to test; and they practice all the time!”
But when is it normal childhood behavior, and when is it a sign that your child is having emotional problems? Certainly, children do think differently, and may have ideas and behaviors unique to them. When you are trying to get them ready for daycare or school, their minds may be on something else entirely. They can be extremely creative and come up with all sorts of stories. They see the trip to the grocery store as a great adventure and want to wander all over to explore it. They may try out words they've heard without knowing what they mean and enjoy getting a reaction from you. Children are less likely to lie than many parents think. Their idea of a “truth” just may not be the same as yours.
But most of the time, children can learn to behave appropriately with positive reinforcement. It helps to divide actions into the “Big Stuff” and the “Little Stuff”. Big Stuff is like hitting, biting, throwing things, or jumping off things- behaviors that can hurt your child or someone else. Time out may be needed. Removing your child from the activity for a moment or two (one minute per year of age) helps them understand that they can't keep doing it. Little Stuff is behavior you would rather your child didn't do, but isn't dangerous. The best approach is to distract them to something else. If your child is playing with the TV remote, you can give them a different toy and remind them that “this is your toy; the remote is for mommy and daddy”. That helps you avoid saying “No” all day long! If you say “No” all the time, you will hear “No” back all the time! Neither spanking nor shaming your child is an effective way to control your child's behavior. Natural consequences are far preferable to help children learn how to act.
On the other hand, if your child seems to be terribly unhappy or fearful, there may be a more serious problem. If your child cries frequently and can't be consoled by you, they may be having anxiety or depression problems. Children don't always come and tell you how they feel, and emotional problems can show up as behavior problems- acting out, speaking rudely, breaking things, and other worrisome behaviors. If you have concerns about your child's behavior, you may need to talk with your pediatrician. Dr. Cheryl Coldwater is a pediatrician with experience evaluating and treating children with pediatric mental health issues. You can schedule an appointment on SimplePractice.com for an office visit, virtual appointment, or a meeting in the park where we can safely distance as needed.
My next post will discuss pre-teens and adolescents, who have their own issues!